Neighbors

Now that I've posted about my housemates, I'd like to say a few words about my neighbors.

To the lovely boys across the street, if you don't stop jumping on that damn trampoline, I'm going to come over and snap your legs in half. I can tolerate the bouncing noises for 15 minutes or so, but don't you think five hours straight is pushing it a bit? How about this: you get ahold of Richard Branson and the three of us will have a little chat about sending you on a one-way ticket to space. That way you can experience anti-gravity all you want.

And you people across the street: if I wanted to listen to death metal on repeat all morning, I'd have already downloaded all of Slipknot's music collection. I'm not saying classical music would be any better, but really, come on now. When my relatives come up to visit, I don't want them asking me with gaping mouths "you live here?!" Could you turn it down a notch? Why don't you use this handy little idea: see that pretty street divider between our houses? You know, the one with all the pretty trees in it? If you stand there and still can hear your music, do us a favor and turn that shit down.

And to whomever was playing techno music twenty minutes ago: play some Paul Oakenfold or something. Even Strongbad's techno was better than that crap you were playing!