05 June 2007
17 April 2007
I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately. My last relationship, to be completely honest, was an abusive one. Not physically, but emotionally and otherwise. The more I think about it, the more I believe it, too.
I've been struggling with my supposed stupidity, of staying in the relationship for so long and for putting up with it. How is it that the best of us get into these situations and can't seem to get ourselves out? We all say it'll never be us, that we're too smart to get into a destructive relationship.
But I stayed in it for three years. And I have a hard time believing that the way I was treated wasn't my fault in some way. The things I felt pressured to do for this person is above and beyond anything I ever imagined I'd do — with anyone — and I'm ultimately ashamed at the experiences I now can check off.
In some ways, I'm disgusted with myself. When I think of the things I did, the things I convinced myself I did and didn't feel and the mindgames I put myself through, I feel way too wise for my age. I've found myself lately being that girl. You know, the girl who's been in the ugly relationship and survives, if only for the sole purpose to warn other girls that it can happen to them, too.
I don't like being that girl, though. Sure, I like being wise and learned enough to give sound advise, but was it worth three years of suckiness to do so? But I guess no one really likes to be that girl.
I wish none of us had to be that girl.
10 March 2007
27 February 2007
And this is where things get interesting. I kind of have a lack of intuition. That gut feeling that everyone supposedly gets from time to time that tells them today would be a good day to stay home ('cause they have a "gut feeling") — yeah, I don't have that.
Well, that's not entirely true. I have those feelings; they just have an accuracy rating of zero. That's right — in all of my years "trusting my gut," not once has it ever been to my benefit.
Which brings me to my point: recently I told some of you that I had this feeling, this feeling I've never had before. This feeling is something I've tried many times to fabricate, but this time it felt real.
But I'm now getting the thought that maybe I was duped. Again. But who knows? With my track record, it's entirely possible that this new feeling about that feeling is faking me out. So, just don't hold me to that feeling, in case it was a total farce.
01 February 2007
My last relationship ended at the beginning of January; soon after, I received a Dear Abby clipping from my mother, written by a girl in a situation similar to mine. Granted, my break-up was much more than this one issue, but whatever.*Mum actually sent me the clipping thinking that I could send it to my ex — I actually thought about it, but didn't want to use my precious stamps and have to write an accompanying note so he didn't think I was being harsh.
The clipping ended up on my desk, where it has stayed for 2-3 weeks. It's time to toss it, so, knowing that the ex occasionally visits my blog, maybe he'll read it here. Otherwise, for your enjoyment:
My boyfriend has a hard time in social situations. He dislikes people
in general and needs a lot of alone time.
I am the complete opposite. I need a circle of friends around me in
order to be happy. How do we find a balance between the two? — Clara in
It may not be easy. I find it unlikely that someone who "dislikes
people in general," "has a hard time in social situations" and is basically a
loner will change. My question to you would be, how much are you willing
to compromise, and would you be comfortable socializing alone?
Thanks, Mum! You know just how to cheer me up!
*I also want to clarify that my ex doesn't "dislike people in general" like the boyfriend in the article.
19 January 2007
I came home from class two days ago and, once I took my hat off, I realized my hair was all over the place. Loops of hair were sticking up randomly everywhere! It was crazy!
Anyway, here's my before:
Right after she lopped off the pigtails:
And here's my new 'do! While looking at it last night, I realized that my face is pretty fat, so I'm off to the IMA! What a motivator, eh?
11 January 2007
In the past two weeks, I've gone to sleep once before 3a — that was last night, I think (I'm having trouble keeping track of days). Waking up and getting out of the house before 8a to pick up Alice and take her to preschool, coming home and circling Greek Row in search of a parking spot is really starting to take it's toll. Today it took me 45 minutes to find a spot. And four hours of sleep a night really isn't cutting it. Last time I had a job like that, it didn't take long for me to put in my notice.
What's more is that when I get crazy stressed out, I apparently clench my jaw, as I wake up in the morning feeling like I face-planted on concrete. I'm thinking of trying acupuncture, though I'm not sure if my insurance will cover it.
I know I'm kvetching, as Jessica says. I also feel bad for not posting since the New Year; this post will have to tide you over until I have more time.
31 December 2006
I'm not one for thinking myself worthless if I give up my resolutions too far into the new year, but I do like to make them, if only for tradition.
I have a lot to accomplish before my Bike & Build trip in June, so I'm going to need to be specific with my resolutions in order to prepare myself physically, mentally and financially for this trip.
- Be prompt with thank you notes
- Study every day
- Take a photo every single day -- suggested by Photojojo
- Each week, research a different aspect of the affordable housing crisis
- Take my pills every night
- Exercise on stationary bike and/or with personal trainer twice a week for 90 minutes or 25 miles
- Research Rhode Island and Connecticut towns en route for can't-miss sights
- Contact regional newspapers about a possible feature on Bike & Build
- Exercise on stationary bike (or equivalent exercise) three times a week for 90 minutes or 30 miles
- Explore a new bike trail in the Seattle area once a week
- Research New York, Pennsylvania and Ohio towns near our stops for interesting things to see and do
Happy New Year!
25 December 2006
In November, I asked for (and received) a down comforter; I've always wanted a comforter that didn't come with matching sheets (a la Bed in a Bag). Since I got the only thing I really asked for, I didn't know what to say to the after-birthday questions.
That was, of course, until I got the Bike & Build manual and it's accompanying list of necessities for the trip. After realizing there were no major holidays between Christmas and our start date in June, I frantically searched the list, looking for the most expensive things I was relatively knowledgeable about to ask for.
And today, after being convinced I would need to be purchasing one on my own, I opened up a digital camera and a cute little camera bag that'll fit in a saddle bag for my bike!
In no way am I trying to brag; I am only attempting to set up one of the papers in the camera box, which is an (not so subtle) attempt at marketing camera accessories. I enlarged the center picture in hopes it'd show more detail.
23 December 2006
After I finished printing out the letters, I realized that the itinerary that came in the rider manual had us traveling in circles around Iowa and the website had us riding to Missoula, building and riding to Missoula after we'd left Missoula that day. Hmmm. I might need to offer my copy editing skills.
Needing an accurate itinerary to include with my letters, I took an hour and a half detour (hyuck hyuck!) and made a pretty kick-ass one myself.
So there you go. Two shoeboxes full of envelopes, brochures, letters, itineraries and SASEs to Bike & Build. 139 of each, to be exact.
20 December 2006
After my brother moved home from Japan and our exchange student went back to Switzerland, I decided to move into the room across the hall, as it's at least 1.5 times the size of my sea room. After the creativity and expenses that went into the other room, I kept my mouth shut about the white walls and ugly brown carpeting in my new room.
This year, though, my mum has gotten into a painting kick and, once my brother got married and moved out, promptly painted his room two dark blues -- something unheard of in my family. My dad had erroneously assumed that it was utterly impossible to paint over dark colours and long ago got us kids to believe that if we painted our rooms black, they'd never be able to put the house back on the market, so this was a big deal. Since completing my brother's room and realizing how little effort and money it takes to make a big difference in the appearance, my mum asked me to pick a couple colours she'd paint my room while I was in Seattle.
So tonight, I arrived home to find my previously bland, white walls painted a lovely pink and brown, which complements the two wall sconces and drapes I bought at Ikea last year! My mum is going to take me shopping on Friday to look for a comforter and some wall decorations to add to the decor.
I'm going to see if I can convince my mum to help me take down the peeling wallpaper in the bathroom at some point while I'm home. Before we do that, though, we're going to have to make at least a couple batches of fudge!
I love the holidays! My parents have the house completely decorated, what with the little villages above the piano and entertainment center, the huge pre-lit tree (that I've finally come to terms with after growing up trekking into the mountains every December to find that special pine to bring home) and the coloured lights everywhere. This year, my dad's really gotten into the spirit of the holidays and hung faux garland on the walls in the living room and even on the banisters. I brought my 4 foot christmas tree home and might set it up in my room. I really like low lighting and leaving it on in my room in the evening will give the room a pretty glow.
18 December 2006
Other interesting search queries that have led readers to my site:
- pain where my bra snaps on left side in back
- the real truth turbo jam
- how anne are you?
- you pale to (from a Swiss version of Google)
- kill a guy on A TRAmpoline (I'm ranked number three on this search...)
- occupations that involve creative, humanistic, thoughtful, and quiet types of activities
- "perform their job responsibilities in a manner that is supportive"
- cutting edge, informally paced, future-oriented environment
and two instances of "Upstairs Downstairs apartments U district" quite recently. For you two renters, don't bother. The Upstairs Downstairs apartments are really not worth looking at.
13 December 2006
Riding on the ferry was like putting a kid in a candy store. The last time I remember riding on a ferry was when I was like 7 or 8 years old and my family went to Vancouver Island, B.C. That being said, I made Jasmine suffer through many pleas of "ooh, will you take a picture of me here?!" and "Holy crap! We're on a FERRY!" Since she's lived on "the island", the ferry wasn't so exciting for her.
04 December 2006
Oh, on Friday, I got my highly-anticipated packet from Bike & Build! I now have more brochures and envelopes than I know what to do with, but once finals are over next week, I'll be able to put more time into fundraising! Plus, I meet with my new personal trainer on Thursday for our introductory session. I'll probably aim for 15 miles Tuesday night so I don't wear myself out before I meet my PT.