Must.Sleep.Now

Y'all better watch out, 'cause I just joined the planet's Most Awesome Auntie award and I'm bringin' it!

Actually, I've been an aunt for almost five years, but due to being out of the loop for most of them, I'm at a disadvantage. Yet what's great is that my neice and nephew are now of the age in which, if I move quickly and stealthily, I can bypass the introductory stages and right into what's known in the inner circles as "Operation: Awesome Auntie".

How it works is beside the point (and full of trade secrets), but the objective is clear: flood the minds of the impressionable young children with messages, often subliminal, of love, compassion and coolness to accelerate my status to the top of the boards. However, I've talked with the higher-ups and they've given me clearance to share a few "insider secrets", if you will.

1. When the n/n (industry jargon for neice/nephew) comes into town, it's utterly imperative to cancel all plans and prepare.* Without this step in place, the visit could prove disasterous.

2a. Debrief everyone within earshot that you will now be referred to as Aunt (insert name here). Decide on a name to be called and stick with it. No changing to nicknames halfway through the game. These little people confuse easily and only setbacks will come from that.

2b. With name in place and n/n in tow, slip your new moniker in as much as possible. Tactics such as referring to yourself in the third person and even subliminal placement is covered in chapters five and six.

3. Get as much rest as you can, provided that you've already fulfilled your obligations of night-time duty (if n/n is an OnG - overnight guest).

And with that, I must heed my own advice and go to sleep. I was awoken around 4a to screaming from the other room and am now drifting into sleep again.


*The handbook goes into more detail in chapter 3, but since we're limited, let me explain: being prepared can be anything from meditating to baking cookies, even opening all of the cabinets in the kitchen. It's all individual, per the n/n's interests. Making an easy-to-use strategic flow sheet or spreadsheet has also proven fruitful.