Note to self: let Nursing Assistant certification expire this year

So I haven't posted anything in almost a week. Reason?

I got a job working the graveyard (no pun intended) shift at a local nursing home last Tuesday and started Thursday night. Since that first night, I've been working 12-hours continuously (four hours at the cinema, eight hours at the nursing home) and have gotten by on just about four hours of sleep a day.

The job entails lots of specific unpleasantries* that I won't go into here for the sake of your lunches. When I accepted the job, I figured I'd be making rounds checking on the residents to make sure they weren't dead, as well as restocking gloves, bags and other necessities in the rooms.

What I failed to remember (having been a nursing assistant years ago) is that most residents in care facilities are incontinent, especially at night.** So, not only do I go to each room and replace water cups, I also check to see if the resident has soiled their briefs.*** Eighty-five percent of the time, I will be changing said briefs and repeating the action at least once more during the course of the night.

I won't go into the imagery for you to ponder, as I'm sure if you're willing, you could conjure up a fairly accurate, if simplified, mental picture. Don't forget to include rolling the (really heavy) person back and forth to position the linens and brief and you're pretty close. I'm not even mentioning how the activity smells.

I feel bad about it, but I'm already thinking of quitting. Changing my sleeping schedule so drastically has reduced me to a dizzy narcoleptic. I've even been having trouble focusing on my image when I look in the mirror.

I just don't know how much more I can take.

I was going to post a picture, but I decided that this related Saturday Night Live commercial parody was easier to search for.


*yes, I'm sure I'm making this word up, but I'm exhausted
**of bladder AND bowel
***a fancy word for adult diapers