Farewell

I've been dreading this for awhile, but it's come the time to do it:

I'm putting this blog to rest. I originally started this blog just over a year ago when I moved back home and started working at a movie theatre. This has been a great place to vent my frustrations at stupid movie patrons and generally get my thoughts out. It's definitely served it's purpose, but now I'm heading on a new adventure (literally) and I will be posting elseware for 2 months, and it just seems like the best time to fully move on.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for commenting.

For more great reading, check out The Girl Also Blogs and Champagne Rising.

"That girl"

I've been debating for awhile on whether or not to write about this topic, but you know what? This is my blog, and I feel like I shouldn't have to censor myself on it.

I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately. My last relationship, to be completely honest, was an abusive one. Not physically, but emotionally and otherwise. The more I think about it, the more I believe it, too.

I've been struggling with my supposed stupidity, of staying in the relationship for so long and for putting up with it. How is it that the best of us get into these situations and can't seem to get ourselves out? We all say it'll never be us, that we're too smart to get into a destructive relationship.

But I stayed in it for three years. And I have a hard time believing that the way I was treated wasn't my fault in some way. The things I felt pressured to do for this person is above and beyond anything I ever imagined I'd do — with anyone — and I'm ultimately ashamed at the experiences I now can check off.

In some ways, I'm disgusted with myself. When I think of the things I did, the things I convinced myself I did and didn't feel and the mindgames I put myself through, I feel way too wise for my age. I've found myself lately being that girl. You know, the girl who's been in the ugly relationship and survives, if only for the sole purpose to warn other girls that it can happen to them, too.

I don't like being that girl, though. Sure, I like being wise and learned enough to give sound advise, but was it worth three years of suckiness to do so? But I guess no one really likes to be that girl.

I wish none of us had to be that girl.

Karate CHOP!

My nephew kickin' ass! He makes me feel all giddy inside!

"Listen to your heart — that's what I do."

I'm like a superhero. It's true. I'm not trying to sound (extra) cool or anything; I'm just stating a fact. "Well, if you're a superhero," you ask, "then what's your super power?"

And this is where things get interesting. I kind of have a lack of intuition. That gut feeling that everyone supposedly gets from time to time that tells them today would be a good day to stay home ('cause they have a "gut feeling") — yeah, I don't have that.

Well, that's not entirely true. I have those feelings; they just have an accuracy rating of zero. That's right — in all of my years "trusting my gut," not once has it ever been to my benefit.

Which brings me to my point: recently I told some of you that I had this feeling, this feeling I've never had before. This feeling is something I've tried many times to fabricate, but this time it felt real.

But I'm now getting the thought that maybe I was duped. Again. But who knows? With my track record, it's entirely possible that this new feeling about that feeling is faking me out. So, just don't hold me to that feeling, in case it was a total farce.

Clippings

My mum loves to send me clippings. She thinks she's turning into her mother, sending me an envelope full of clippings like Grandma does to her, yet I always tell her I like receiving them. It's lovely knowing that my mum thinks about me when doing everyday things!

My last relationship ended at the beginning of January; soon after, I received a Dear Abby clipping from my mother, written by a girl in a situation similar to mine. Granted, my break-up was much more than this one issue, but whatever.*Mum actually sent me the clipping thinking that I could send it to my ex — I actually thought about it, but didn't want to use my precious stamps and have to write an accompanying note so he didn't think I was being harsh.

The clipping ended up on my desk, where it has stayed for 2-3 weeks. It's time to toss it, so, knowing that the ex occasionally visits my blog, maybe he'll read it here. Otherwise, for your enjoyment:

Dear Abby:
My boyfriend has a hard time in social situations. He dislikes people
in general and needs a lot of alone time.
I am the complete opposite. I need a circle of friends around me in
order to be happy. How do we find a balance between the two? — Clara in
Chicago

Dear Clara:
It may not be easy. I find it unlikely that someone who "dislikes
people in general," "has a hard time in social situations" and is basically a
loner will change. My question to you would be, how much are you willing
to compromise, and would you be comfortable socializing alone?

Thanks, Mum! You know just how to cheer me up!

*I also want to clarify that my ex doesn't "dislike people in general" like the boyfriend in the article.

Locks of Love

Yesterday, I'd finally had it with my long hair. It's become so unmanageable, taking me a half hour to shampoo and condition it (well, mostly condition) that I just decided that it was time to donate. Now, don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with the hair itself; it just gets really tangly. Like, for instance, yesterday in class. We were watching a movie and the ENTIRE class, I was working to detangle a certain section of my hair. That's two hours, folks!

I came home from class two days ago and, once I took my hat off, I realized my hair was all over the place. Loops of hair were sticking up randomly everywhere! It was crazy!

Anyway, here's my before:
Right after she lopped off the pigtails:
And here's my new 'do! While looking at it last night, I realized that my face is pretty fat, so I'm off to the IMA! What a motivator, eh?

I was really hoping for a less stressful quarter

It's the second week of the quarter and the stress hasn't let up yet. I had some trouble with financial aid, which thankfully was resolved by Friday. The real stress, though, is the current state of my job. As I mentioned before, I work as a part-time nanny, and just recently I was hired to as a copy editor for The Daily. I've been wanting the job for awhile and I love it. I've worked only three shifts, but it really doesn't seem like work (which is the first time I've been able to say that since lifeguarding in high school). The problem that's come up is that my nanny job just went from 0-10 hours a week to what's turning out to be 30+ hours. On top of full-time school, fundraising for Bike & Build, training for the trip and six hours a week at The Daily, I'm really starting to melt.

In the past two weeks, I've gone to sleep once before 3a — that was last night, I think (I'm having trouble keeping track of days). Waking up and getting out of the house before 8a to pick up Alice and take her to preschool, coming home and circling Greek Row in search of a parking spot is really starting to take it's toll. Today it took me 45 minutes to find a spot. And four hours of sleep a night really isn't cutting it. Last time I had a job like that, it didn't take long for me to put in my notice.

What's more is that when I get crazy stressed out, I apparently clench my jaw, as I wake up in the morning feeling like I face-planted on concrete. I'm thinking of trying acupuncture, though I'm not sure if my insurance will cover it.

I know I'm kvetching, as Jessica says. I also feel bad for not posting since the New Year; this post will have to tide you over until I have more time.