Smelly Cat: Part Two

"What followed next was wretched. 'Twas not another cat, but a cute little black and white creature. The smell hit seconds later and the creature disappeared into the corn. We had been skunkified."

And now, for the continuation to Smelly Cat:

Realising what had just happened and knowing that I'd never be able to get to the store smelling like a skunk (and believe me when I say that I know how well my car can hold an odor), I kept my cool and walked Daisy over to my house. As soon as we hit the grass, she started to roll, but I managed to get her up to my front door and tie her leash around a post. I hastily entered the house, grabbed the cordless phone and the dog leashes, hooked up the dogs and brought them outside with me to figure out what to do next. I called my parents and asked them to pick up some tomato juice at the store and told them the news.

About 25 minutes later, my parents arrived and Daisy was sequestered in her kennel, but since my dogs had gotten close and sniffed her, I didn't want to take any chances. The three of us (my dogs and I) had waited patiently in the mosquito-filled night for my parents to give us the sniff test.

After smelling Lucky and Chess individually, Dad concluded that only Lucky had small traces of skunk-funk in her hair. Moving on to me, Dad smelled my hair, neck and hands and deemed me safe to return inside. But when I came inside and recanted the story, I couldn't help but smell the horrible aroma follow me. Mum sniffed my legs and said she didn't smell anything, but Dad told me that I should probably stay on the safe side and use the tomato juice.

Now, I'm sure that most of you have never had the joy of bathing yourself in tomato juice, so I will have to be very clear: tomato juice in no way feels or smells erotic, especially when cold. If your significant other ever suggests dousing yourself in a food substance to "spice things up", I urge you to look elseware. Go with the cliched whipped creme and chocolate sauce. Never let him or her douse you with tomato juice, regardless of its temperature. It will only intensify his or her craving for a grilled cheese sandwich. And that will only leave you sexually frustrated.*

Imagine, if you will, taking a cold shower, rubbing shampoo in your hair and soap all over your body. Now, replace the water, shampoo and soap in the scenario with tomato juice. That's right. Recall, if you please, the texture of said juice. Remember, it's not the same light and refreshing liquid as apple juice; it's about as thick as the soup variety. Now, once again, imagine massaging that soup into your hair, down to your scalp. Use the loofah and drench your legs and arms in the sauce. And don't get it in your eyes when you wash your face with it.

Grossed out? Yeah. Me too. That's why my shower lasted a good 40 minutes and ended with me vigorously shampooing my hair with three different shampoos and one extra-pretty smelling conditioner.

As for the dog, we dumped her in the stand-pipe, doused her in tomato juice and rinsed her off. Quick three minute procedure and she was ready to shake.

She still smells, but heck, she's not my dog.


*I can only imagine one scenario in which these circumstances could prove fruitful, but unless you and yours have an unhealthy appetite for tomato juice and are very multitalented, it's best to be avoided.

Smelly Cat: Part One

Yesterday was a classic bad day. Bad enough that I decided to sleep on the day's events and write about it today. In light of events surrounding an old friend and an accident she was in, though, it's not that bad.

This weekend, my neighbour, who happens to be my paternal uncle's sister-in-law, is out of town, so she asked me to feed her plethora of outdoor cats and her small dog. I thought it'd be a good opportunity to let her dog, Daisy, spend more time with my two dogs (meaning sniff time).

Before work yesterday, I wasn't feeling very well when I woke up at 5.15a and couldn't get back to sleep, but I didn't think much of it. I retrieved Daisy from next door and leashed up my dogs and took them for the walk down to the road to get the morning paper. I came back, returned my dogs to our yard, fed Daisy and the fourteen cats (I'm actually not exaggerating that number - I really counted fourteen) and went to work.

When I returned from work, I wasn't feeling well, as I had vomited in my mouth a little earlier, so I took a nap. Around 8p, I went to the neighbour's, fed the cats and thought I'd take Daisy for a walk.

Daisy and I didn't get very far before she tested the boundaries of her leash by jumping in some bushes near the cornfield. Thinking it was a cat, I leaned in to get a closer look and see if it was one of the cats I recognised, or if it was yet another cat. Bad idea.

What followed next was wretched. 'Twas not another cat, but a cute little black and white creature. The smell hit seconds later and the creature disappeared into the corn. We had been skunkified.

Just as good, if not better, than Free Sample Saturdays at Costco

I love getting free stuff.

In elementary school, I began collecting business cards I picked up from various places: offices I'd visit with my parents, from booths in the sundome at the state fair and while participating in the Tour of Homes. The local library even used my collection as one of its exhibits in the glass box when I was about nine or ten.

When I was in middle school, I used to look through the back of magazines and call the 1-800 numbers to obtain catalogues and such (I love getting mail too - but I'll save that for another post). High quality junk mail would follow 6-8 weeks later and I relished the (fabricated) attention.

In high school, I found myself visiting state websites to get "travel information" and ended up with a shoebox full of brochures attempting to lure me into visiting beautiful West Virginia and sunny New Mexico (which I just discarded after lugging it around from apartment to apartment over the years).

A couple years ago, I signed up for a few survey sites (I really like taking quizzes), mostly to feel as though my opinion was worth something to someone other than myself. The thing with many of these survey sites is that most of the time, you don't get any reward or appreciation for your time.* But the quality sites go even further. One such company** awards points per survey. For instance, if you take a survey and get weeded out, you get a smaller number of points than if you had been qualified to finish the survey. I've already cashed in some of my points to get a free subscription to Budget Travel magazine; just 150 more points until I can "buy" a digital voice recorder.

Another survey site sends me free samples to test and provide feedback. It doesn't happen very often, though. I've received a Logitech webcam (from a site testing a new camera-based chat application), a horrible shampoo/conditioner combination that made my hair feel like straw, and, about three weeks ago, another in-shower sample.

I think I'm prohibited from disclosing the brand name, but whatever. It's too good not to share. It's Pantene Brunette Expressions, another spin on those colour-enhancing products. I never thought I'd say this while using Pantene, but my hair feels fabulous. I keep running my fingers through it, it's so smooth. It was all due to the conditioner; the shampoo was really hard to rinse out. But you heard it here first. When this comes out on the market, go get it!***


*other than an entry into a "random $10,000 drawing!" and an occasional fridge magnet.

**I'd mention the site here, but they give points for referring people. And you should know by now that I can't get enough of those points.

***unless, that is, Pantene decides to sell it for $5.49 a bottle as the survey implied.

Now this is what I'm talking about!

In a previous post, I proclaimed my (extreme) competitiveness regarding board games and the like. What I didn't point out was that I'm not a fan of Monopoly. The chance cards are hardly relevant, the prices are outdated and $200? Come on, even The Game of Life updated.

Well, this bit of news might turn my feelings about Monopoly around. Word is, the (basic) game has already gone a major overhaul in the UK and will be doing the same here in the States. Chance cards, prices, landmarks and even the money will all be updated, including (what I think is the best part), plastic debit cards! Remember the game Mall Madness? Anyone? That shit was awesome, if only for the credit cards!

Rage...complete and utter rage

Tonight my dad and I went to see Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. The movie had great visual effects was witty to boot; I'd really have liked to pay attention to the film, but these piss-ants of children ran up and down the stairs every couple of minutes and gossiped back and forth with four rows between them. Throughout the movie, I plotted my move to get them to shut the hell up, from shh-ing them (which I did quite loudly once - it even caught my dad off guard) to getting up, walking over to them and telling them to stop ruining the movie for me and fuck off, to leaving the theatre to explain my rage in a calm manner to my least favourite (assistant) manager. By the time the credits started rolling, I felt like I wanted to pop out of my seat, jump over the rows and tackle those little bitches and slam their heads through the floor like in some Tarantino movie. Woah. Rereading those statements makes me sound like a horrible person. Yet I'm going to leave it because that's exactly what the most rewarding scenario felt like at the time.

The most I did, though, was catch up to two of the girls and say "hey girls - could you not talk through the movie next time?" I'm seriously all talk, people.

Let's hope I can take care of this inner rage before I turn into Naomi Campbell and beat people up over a pair of jeans.

Now, where did I put those anxiety pills?

Titled "An Inconvenient Truth"

My ex-boyfriend told me about a conversation he overheard in the IMA locker room during spring quarter. He submitted it to overheardatcollege and they recently posted it on the site:

Dude #1: I’m going tanning later.
Dude #2: Where are you going tanning?
Dude #1: A salon; where else would you go tanning?
Dude #2: Uh…outside.

Snoozer of a week

It's come to my attention that I keep checking a couple of my favourite blogs and am disappointed to find that they have no new posts, though I haven't posted anything new here for the better part of a week. So for the three of you regulars, my apologies.

This week I:

• (finally) finished the Battlestar Galactica Miniseries and first four episodes of Battlestar Galactica Season One.
• went to Spokane and ate at the Pita Pit with Jacy and bought some organizational things at Target so I can feel more organizational.
• started and completed a Clue puzzle I bought on eBay.
• have since started another Clue puzzle I bought on eBay.
• drew up a budget (is that the right phrase?) for this autumn and figured out how much I'd have to work to supplement the financial aid.
• researched and responded to a couple ads on craigslists for rooms and apartments in the U-District.
• shoveled a decomposing dead bird off of the front lawn and porch once I realised that, not only were my dogs the prime suspects in the death of the poor thing, they were rolling in the remains and then tricking me into petting them.
• broke my boycott of Burger King and ordered a medium chocolate shake, a whopper jr with cheese (no pickles, no onions) and a Hershey's sunday pie.

None of these feats are reasons I haven't posted anything, though. I think I was in a rut this week. Hopefully posting this will kick me out of it.

The Wait List

I was notified by UW Student Housing that, as of right now, I'm on a waiting list to get into a triple room for Autumn quarter. Additionally, if I am assigned a room, it won't be until after the quarter starts. So I'm going to be cancelling my application for that, of course. I've done the "triple room" hell before and won't be doing that again. It's bad enough to share a closet of a room with two 18-year-olds when you ARE an 18-year-old. I can't imagine living with two 18-year-olds in such a small space now that I'm 23. *shudders*

So the hunt is on to find a room in a house or a studio on the north end of campus for less than $500 a month. I still have to budget my grants and loans to decide how much I can actually afford to pay each month for a room, but right now, $500 is my ceiling.

Movies, concerts and getting the hell out of town

On Monday, I took a much needed respite after the wedding and took an early-week retreat at an undisclosed location for some much needed, let's call it "R&R", shall we? Since no one knows where I've been for the past three days save me and one other person, I'll be as vague as possible concerning my whereabouts.

While I was gone, I used my hard-earned money to see Strangers With Candy. If you like Amy Sederis and Stephen Colbert (and like the tv show as well), I recommend it. The person I went with didn't want to see it and ended up having a good time.

Oh, and before I fled town, I saw Superman Returns. I don't know what the guys from Filmspotting are talking about. And Ebert & Roeper, what the hell? A "mild thumbs up" and a "mild thumbs down?" What is wrong with you people? I agree with Nish, Paul and Willy on this one. It was awesome. 4.5/5!

I have tomorrow off (I think) and then most of next week, so I hope to see Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest and You, Me and Dupree after the Warped Tour on Saturday. Well, I hope I can go to the Warped Tour. I sold my ticket to the person I hung out with when I went MIA because I didn't think I'd get the whole day off this Saturday. As of now, I work from 5.30p-10p, but I might be able to plead with some coworkers to trade.

How could you resist a hug from such a cutie?!

The wedding went off without a hitch! Thank God! And my hair looked great!

My neice and nephew were so cute as the flower girl and ring bearer!

As we took our photos in the church before the ceremony, Aidan insisted that my favourite Cars character could NOT be Mater, as it was the videographer's favourite. Mine should be the Porshe, as it is a girl in the movie.

Aidan (holding up sheet of Cars puffy stickers): "Which one is your favourite?"
Me (pointing to one of the two Mater stickers): "Mater!"
Aidan: "No. You can't choose that one."
Me: "Yes I can. My favourite is Mater. Make him change his favourite!"
(And later, after several go-arounds)
Aidan (pointing at the Porshe): "No. Your favourite is her. She's a girl."

Later, as I stood up with the wedding party bawling my eyes out during the ceremony, Aidan (who's four years old) came up and gave me a hug in front of everyone! It was so cute (and really needed by myself...i was a blubbering idiot up there). After the ceremony, we had fun with Aidan's Spiderman stickers he received from my mum as a reward for his bravery in front of everyone. Kaitlyn had more fun with her bubbles (see picture at left) than with her Winnie the Pooh stickers.

My dad was well past tipsy at the reception (he claims he must've had twenty beers); I've never seen him dance so wildly!


Everything went well except for the cake being completely different from the one Jamie wanted, though the cake delivered was very pretty. As my aunt said, things like that happen at weddings to give everyone something to talk about later.

Oh, and presents were stolen from the wedding reception. Yeah, I can't believe it either. We don't know how many, but we're going to be doing some investigative work with the present list, the gift registries and with those who attended the reception. Hopefully the thieves didn't get away with much. Bastards.


Now that the wedding is over, there is no other big event to count down to before I head back to UW. Any concerts in Seattle I don't know about yet? Any events I'm unaware of?

Two months left and I'll be back in Seattle!

Really, how long are wedding pictures supposed to take?

I'm up. It's 3 in the morning the day of my brother's wedding and I'm awake. Granted, I'll be asleep again within the next 45 minutes if my Hypotheses of Early Mornings hold true.

It'd be so sweet if the reason for my early waking was due to my excitement for my brother (who is either a. passed out in a drunken stupor or b. still drinking at this hour), wouldn't it?. But I believe I'm awake because I passed out from the affects of wine drinkage at a measly 11p. That's right, folks. Two (oversized) glasses of wine at the rehearsal dinner and I'm good to go.

The rehearsal dinner went off without a hitch, the tables were set up so pretty (ahem...thank you) and I didn't have to sit anywhere near the Wicked Bitch herself, the Matron of Honor, thanks to the glorious last-minute placecard idea by yours truly.

My Future Sister-In-Law is definitely not a Bridezilla, though it might appear so to take a look at the schedule for the day:

• 8a Bride, bridesmaids and mums to meet at a local salon for updos, continental breakfast and needless gossip at such an early hour
• Bride, maids and mums head over to Bride's mum's house for continuation of prep (makeup, dressing, etc). Mimosa-drinking and carb counting among the girls to ensue in the all-too-familiar phenomenon as Hurry Up and Wait*
• 12.30p Head over to the reception site for pictures
• Travel to church and continue photography hell monotony session
• 5p Ceremony begins; maids hopefully haven't wilted from the heat yet
• After Reception

Notice the block of time scheduled for pictures. Three and a half hours. Of standing. In uncomfortable shoes. In 95 degree weather, no less.

And if I'm forced to dance to one of those horrific Reception staples (you know to which I'm referring if you've ever been to an generic American wedding), someone's gettin' a beat-down.

*Naturally, this phenomenon will undoubtedly occur at each mini-event today, at the most uncomfortable of times (i.e., when in close proximity to Hoochie Matron of Honor and Mother of the Bride). Phenomenon is characterized as seemingly endless, mind-numbing and anxiety-laden.

Did you see where I put my anxiety pills? I think I'll need them ready...

I won't be typing much this weekend, as tomorrow is my brother's big day. Just got back from a pedicure and getting acrylic nails glued on.

When tanning the "traditional way" after my spray tan disaster wore off, I burned the hell out of my body, from my chest down to my, uh...legs. Not fun. Hopefully by tomorrow, the pain won't be so bad. I have to wear a corset, which already has the tendency to pinch in uncomfortable places.

This is me on the 4th. The first snack of the day. I haven't had one of these Nestle things in ages! And the snacking didn't stop there. Since my brother and his fiancee didn't stay for boating and fireworks, we had a whole load of foad for just the three of us.

With fried chicken, sandwiches, grapes, soda, water and tons of other snacks, I must've gained 5 pounds. Oh gosh, I hope I'll fit in my dress tomorrow!

Tubing pics to follow when I get the chance!

Maybe someone should lend him the book The Jungle...he might reconsider eating all those hot dogs

Today, Takeru "Tsunami" Kobayashi will attempt to eat his way to first place for the sixth year in a row at Nathan's Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest. He holds the current record in hot dog eating, set at 53 1/2 in 12 minutes.

For a competitive eater, he has a nice body!


As for me, I'll be stuffing my face with junk food, fried chicken, soda and water (not necessarily in that order) as I hang out on the Columbia River and watch my brother fall flat on his face waterskiing as he attempts to impress his fiancee.

You'd think that'd be the best part of the day, but anchoring the boat and watching the fireworks to the sway of the waves is awesome. Here's hoping the waves aren't so strong all the chicken comes back up!

Have a great 4th!